Under normal circumstances we will survive our dogs. But the grief of losing them can begin long before they pass as they are aging or become terminally ill. Our dogs are the constant in our life, and we are afraid of the void we will feel when they’re gone. What are we going to do with all the extra time? How can we cope with losing our beloved friend and the fear of a life after? How do we navigate anticipatory grief?
What Makes Anticipatory Grief so Difficult?
There Is no Fixing in Anticipatory Grief
All we can do is allow space for it. But when anticipatory grief takes up space, we are often unable to live in the present and enjoy the time we have left with our dog.
There Is no Healing or Moving Forward from Anticipatory Grief
We are stuck in anxiety without working toward a positive outcome. The end of our anticipatory grief will be replaced by the grief following the loss of our dog.
Anticipatory Grief Comes with Conflicting Feelings
It brings fear – fear of what lies ahead, fear of making the right decisions in the best interest of our dog, fear of losing our constant companion, and the fear of life after.
We feel sad about losing our friend but try to be thankful for the deep bond we have shared. Yet we can feel angry about losing her too soon. We may have been able to manage our dog’s illness for some time, but now we are losing this battle and feel a loss of control or even failure. Have we done everything we can, or could we have done more to save her? Taking care of an elderly or ill dog around the clock can be overwhelming at times. We feel exhausted. Then a sense of guilt may arise because our dog needs us more than ever. We may even reach the point where we just want this emotional struggle to be over. But we push that thought aside quickly because the end of our anticipatory grief means death.
It’s a rollercoaster of emotions. So what do we do?
Ways to Cope
As I’m writing this – with my sweet dog lying by my side – I am going through anticipatory grief myself. In my search for coping strategies, I found the resources and tips below. My hope is that some of those will help you navigate your own grief.
Find Support
Anticipatory grief is an individual experience. Yet, you are not alone. Many people treat their dogs as family members and understand the love you have for your dog. Open up to those who empathize and stay clear from those who don’t. Pet grief remains unacknowledged and unvalidated by some. Talking to people who look at your furry friend as “just a dog” will only add to your pain. Instead, share your feelings with those who understand. For support groups that focus on pet loss and anticipatory grief check out Lap of Love. Your grief is valid – it’s never just a dog!
Spend Quality Time with Your Dog
It is difficult to live in the present when we worry about the future. But our dog is still with us, and we should try to enjoy the time we have left together. We may feel a sense of urgency to check off a bucket list. But we don’t need to come up with spectacular activities. Everything our dog enjoys is special. Here are some simple ideas for how you can spend meaningful time together. Always consider your dog’s preferences and physical abilities.
Take your dog for a walk and allow her to sniff everywhere and for as long as she wants. If she can no longer go for long walks, you can take her in a stroller or sit with her in the park or at the beach.
Make time to cuddle your dog or give him a massage.
Meditate with your dog.
Give your dog special treats.
Play with your dog; for example, hide treats for him to find, feed him from a treat dispensing toy, play a gentle game of tug, or ask him to do the tricks he has learned.
If your dog likes to socialize, visit people or invite people to your house.
Make Preparations in Advance
We will probably never be fully prepared for the time when we have to let our dog go. But making preparations and having a plan for how we want to say goodbye can give us a feeling of control and relieve some of our anxiety.
Making prior arrangements will save us from making important decisions in a highly emotional state at the end. Research end-of-life and aftercare options and keep the information easily accessible for when the time comes. Some people prepare for a potentially sudden emergency by having their dog’s favorite blanket and toy ready to bring along. Maybe think in advance about the things you want to say to your dog when you say goodbye.
Preparing for our dog’s death is very upsetting, but making rush decisions at the end will be even more difficult.
Create Special Memories
Take Photos and Videos
You can take photos and videos of your dog or both of you throughout the day and at your favorite places. Some people like to take lots of photos of every joyous moment that’s left. Did you know that there are photographers who specialize in end-of-life photography? For photo ideas or to find a local photographer, check out www.thetillyproject.org.
Pet Art Projects
You can find ideas online for creative and fun pet art projects from nose and paw prints to clay paw ornaments to painting with your dog.
Journaling and Letter Writing
It is difficult to organize our thoughts when we feel overwhelmed by anxiety and grief. Our mind is constantly in overdrive. Journaling or writing down our special memories can be helpful. You can write a letter to your dog and tell him what you love him for, what you thank him for, and what you are sorry for. Some people even write a response letter from their dog’s perspective which can be helpful if you’re struggling with guilt because your dog will only see the good in you. Writing can help us put our feelings into words and process our emotions.
Writing this article may have helped me do just that. My daily life has revolved around my dog Niko for over 14 years. He is my everything. I cannot even imagine my life without him anymore. Niko is terminally ill, and I know he lives on borrowed time. I am scared of the void that he will leave behind. I fear the overwhelming grief that will come. I will miss him more than words can describe. I will be heartbroken. But being in profound grief means that we have felt profound love, and that is a beautiful thing.
My sweet Niko
Comentarios